Anxiety and People-Pleasing: Why the Two Often Go Hand in Hand

Introduction

Do you often say “yes” when you want to say “no”? Do you worry constantly about what others think of you? Do you replay conversations in your head, wondering if you upset someone?

If so, you’re not alone. Anxiety and people-pleasing often go hand in hand. Many people come to anxiety therapy in Alexandria struggling not only with overthinking and panic but also with the exhausting cycle of meeting everyone else’s needs before their own.

Understanding the connection between anxiety and people-pleasing can help you break free from this pattern, set healthy boundaries, and feel calmer and more confident in your relationships.

Why Anxiety and People-Pleasing Are Connected

1. Fear of Rejection or Conflict

Anxiety thrives on “what if” thoughts: What if they don’t like me? What if I upset them? What if they leave me? To calm these fears, many people turn to people-pleasing as a strategy. If you keep everyone happy, you minimize the chance of rejection or conflict—at least temporarily.

2. Childhood and Attachment Wounds

For some, people-pleasing develops early. If love or safety in your family depended on keeping the peace, meeting others’ needs, or staying quiet, your nervous system may have learned that pleasing others is survival. This is especially common among children of immigrants or those navigating cultural expectations around respect and obedience.

3. Anxiety and Overthinking

People-pleasers often overanalyze interactions. Anxiety amplifies this by creating endless “did I do something wrong?” loops. This mental replay keeps you stuck in worry and prevents authentic connection.

4. Perfectionism and Worthiness

Anxiety often convinces you that you must perform or be perfect to be worthy of love. People-pleasing becomes a way of proving your value—but it comes at the cost of your own peace of mind.

Signs You May Be Stuck in the Anxiety–People-Pleasing Cycle

• Saying yes to commitments even when you feel overwhelmed.

• Feeling responsible for others’ emotions or happiness.

• Avoiding conflict at all costs, even when it means sacrificing your own needs.

• Apologizing frequently, even when you haven’t done anything wrong.

• Constantly checking in with others for reassurance.

• Feeling anxious or guilty when you set boundaries.

If these sound familiar, it’s not because you’re weak—it’s because your brain and body are stuck in a loop designed to keep you safe.

The Hidden Costs of People-Pleasing on Anxiety

While people-pleasing may ease anxiety in the short term, it often makes things worse in the long run. Why?

• Burnout and Resentment: Constantly putting others first drains your energy and leads to frustration.

• Loss of Identity: Over time, you may not even know what you want anymore.

• Increased Anxiety: The more you ignore your needs, the more anxious and disconnected you feel.

• Unhealthy Relationships: People-pleasing can attract those who take advantage, reinforcing feelings of unworthiness.

How Therapy Helps Break the Cycle

1. Anxiety Therapy in Alexandria

Therapy helps you understand the root of your people-pleasing patterns. Instead of just focusing on surface-level symptoms, we uncover how anxiety and early experiences shaped your beliefs about yourself and others.

2. Trauma-Informed Approaches

For many, people-pleasing is a trauma response. In my work as a trauma therapist in Alexandria VA, I help clients identify when their nervous system is in “fawn mode”—a survival response where you appease others to stay safe.

3. EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing)

EMDR therapy is especially powerful for people-pleasing patterns. It helps you reprocess memories of times you felt unsafe saying no, so you can respond differently in the present without being hijacked by fear.

4. Learning Boundaries and Self-Compassion

Therapy also equips you with practical skills—like setting boundaries without guilt, recognizing your needs, and practicing self-compassion. Over time, this reduces anxiety and helps you feel more confident in relationships.

My Approach as a Trauma and Anxiety Therapist in Alexandria

As a bicultural, Arabic-speaking therapist, I understand that people-pleasing isn’t just a personal habit—it’s often shaped by culture, family expectations, and identity struggles. Many of my clients are immigrants or children of immigrants who grew up balancing cultural values of respect, loyalty, and obedience with the need for autonomy.

In my practice, we explore these layers together. Through EMDR, trauma-informed care, and anxiety therapy, I help clients:

• Untangle anxiety from people-pleasing.

• Heal attachment wounds.

• Reclaim their voice and authentic identity.

• Build healthier, more balanced relationships.

Conclusion

If anxiety and people-pleasing have left you feeling drained, stuck, or disconnected from yourself, know that you’re not alone—and you don’t have to stay in this cycle forever. With the right therapy, you can learn to set boundaries, honor your needs, and still feel deeply connected to the people you care about.

When you heal the anxiety beneath your people-pleasing, you reclaim not just peace of mind but also your sense of self.


Are you ready to stop people-pleasing and start living authentically? As an anxiety and trauma therapist in Alexandria, VA, I can help you break free from the cycle of anxiety and overgiving. Schedule a consultation today to begin your journey toward clarity and confidence.